First week of school and my unexpected surprise…

Hello all! I’m excited to be back on here to update you on my adventures as a second year teacher. School in my district started this week, which to be honest seems way earlier than when I was in school. Summers don’t have quite the same connotation to teachers and students as they once did. With that said, I did have a great summer regardless. I finished up my master’s program (CADRE) in June. I went on a 2,800 mile road trip with my hubby and 3 sons… it was awesome! All-in-all, my summer was pretty full and rewarding.

Anyway, back to the topic of school. I met all of my new 8th graders and was able to easily determine on the first day those who will be quite the handful, lol. It’s always those attention seeking kiddos who are the most trying. By Friday, I had already assigned them one homework assignment, given them a survey, and had small group activities to work out our “Be Safe, Be Respectful, Be Responsible” classroom rules. They think I am a little tough, which means I’m doing my job 🙂

So, about that unexpected surprise… yesterday I didn’t quite feel right. I was kinda sad and felt like something was missing. I couldn’t quite figure it out. I noticed that I’d look at a student and would mention that so-and-so looks like so-and-so from last year, or talks like that person, or acts like that person, or has the same name. By the end of the day I was worn out and depressed, but I didn’t know why… then it hit me. I was mourning the loss of my students from last year. They were gone and I wasn’t going to see them again unless they visited me. This revelation caused me to start crying like I lost a loved one. It was horrible and not something that I’ve ever heard another teacher talk about. In fact, I’m crying right now writing about it. What’s even worse is that I was practically shoving them out of the door on the last day last year… now I want them back. I think that what this shows me is that I truly care for my students and that we built some really strong relationships with each other. I hope that this will be the case for me this year as well, and maybe instead of pushing them out the door on the last day, I will savor those last minutes with a new sense of knowing that I may never see them again but that we made a difference in each other’s lives.

Well, I need to get back to working on my class syllabus and preparing for open house. I will post again soon.

— Stephanie

Closing out a wonderful year!

YAY! I made it! … well, almost. We don’t get out for a little over a week, but it’ll be a breeze. This year has been amazing, educational, insightful (both about myself and my profession), and really hard; however, I wouldn’t give up my first year teaching for anything. I believe I have been blessed to have such a wonderful group of kids this year. I have been fortunate to have a great cohort of teachers to help me through my Master’s program. I have definitely been lucky to have had the stamina and strength to handle all of the challenges and pressures that come along with teaching 13 and 14 year olds.

Today my fingers itched to start taking down my bulletin boards and posters, to pack my boxes of teacher paraphernalia, and to begin the process of planning for next year, but, I didn’t start. It will be hard for me to say good-bye to this bunch of kids, but it will hurt them to see me putting the year behind me before they are gone.

Tears will be shed, but they will be tears of joy and excitement. Hugs will be shared, but they will be hugs of congratulation. High-fives will fly and knuckle-pounds will explode, all because we made it… students and teachers alike. Good-byes will be said, and for some it may be for good… but for me and my fellow teachers, we will hope for a future glimpse of the student we taught, just for a second, when they were developing into their adulthood.

I am so proud of what I’ve done over this last year, and I’m proud of who I’ve become; but, most of all, I’m proud of the lives who have touched mine, just for a second, when I was developing into my profession. It has been the exuberance… and trust… and trials… that these kids — my kids — have spread over my first year of teaching that will forever resonate in my heart.

I wish, just as most teachers wish, that I will not be forgotten. I will never forget my first year as a teacher.

— Stephanie

P.S. I guess I get to add a new tagline to my blog in a few weeks 🙂 I will no longer be a first year teacher!

Suicidal Tendencies…

It really hurts and confuses me when kids believe that suicide is the best answer to their problems. Since I teach at a middle school, suicide becomes an increasing problem in these young people’s lives. My 8th graders are going through a very tough time in their lives; they are going through the bodily and emotional changes that everyone goes through at this age. I remember clearly how difficult that was for me, especially since I moved from one state to another in the middle of my 7th grade year. But why does suicide sound like the answer?

When I was 16, I was going through a really tough time, and I remember telling my mom that I wished I had the courage to kill myself. She looked at me very seriously and said, “Suicide causes so much harm to the people who love you and it is the most selfish thing you could ever do.” When I think back to that moment, I remember the shame and fear that I felt, because I knew that I couldn’t go through with it, but I also knew I said it because 1. I wanted to hurt my mom, and 2. I was asking for help by shifting the attention, albeit negative, to me. I was hurting emotionally and I didn’t know why. I had next to zero self-esteem and I perceived the world as my enemy, one that didn’t like or love me. I was convinced that I was going to feel that way forever. After that, I always think about how selfish suicide is and how it is a permanent solution to the person who takes their own life, but it is a life long scar to those left behind.

Here is an article about teen suicide statistics and risk factors. There are also links about related issues and suicide prevention. This is a growing epidemic that is quickly becoming the #1 cause of teen deaths. Bullying, in its many forms, is on the rise, which I’m sure is causing teen suicides to also increase.

You may be asking yourself why I’m writing about this. Why now? Well… I know of a girl who has tried upwards of 3 times to take her own life. She is only 14. Her family is extremely supportive and has been actively seeking the appropriate help… however, it just hurts to know that if she keeps trying, she will eventually be successful.

I have no dilusions that I will experience the loss of a student while teaching… especially since I teach in an urban district, but I hope and pray that if that happens to one of my own students I can look back and know that I tried to do everything I could for all of my students. Maybe that is also dilusional…

Emergency in the Classroom…

You know how at the beginning of the school year you are given each of your students’ IEPs, 504s, medical information, etc.? You remember how you read through all of it and wondered how on earth you would ever remember everything? And you prayed that those few students who do have serious medical conditions will never have an episode in your class, because you may forget what you were supposed to do and how to handle the situation? Well, it happened to me… a medical crisis in my classroom.

The 26th of January was when it happened. It was 1st hour and we were preparing for the state writing assessment. I had an IEP meeting right before school and was rushing around trying to make sure I had my handouts ready and my practice prompt on the board before school started.

After the bell rang, I was standing in the front of the room explaining the optional graphic organizers and the prompt. As I was looking around the room I noticed one boy who looked like he was falling asleep. I said, “let’s keep our heads off the desks please. This is English class, not sleeping class.” He raised his head back up and looked like he was trying to stay awake. Soon after, his head began to slowly go back down. I thought to myself that it wouldn’t be a big deal in a few seconds because they would be getting up to get their handouts and then actively writing their essays.

So, I told the kids that if they would like to make use of the graphic organizers they could come up and grab the one they preferred. What happened next was a bit of a blur, but the boy did get up to get an organizer. I was standing near his desk talking to another student when I saw him fall and knock over two desks. I instinctively grabbed his arm and tried to pull him back up. We set the desks back up and I made him sit in his desk. I saw that he was trying to get his belongings off the floor but was having difficulties. He kept repeating over and over that this sometimes happens when he gets really tired. Now, the instant that he fell, those notifications I read at the beginning of the year flashed in my mind. I remembered that he had a seizure disorder. However, I also remembered that he and his parents requested that we do nothing when he has one because they usually only last a few seconds and then pass. Looking back over the year, I remember seeing him kind of go to another world and look forward with glassy eyes, but I knew this was different.

After I got the kid back in his desk, he started to try to write his essay. His handwriting was very erratic. I immediately went to the room next door and called the office for help. The nurse wasn’t at school yet, but one of the secretaries came down. I asked him to stand up and walk out to the hall with me, but once he stood up he said he couldn’t walk alone. I had another boy help him into the hall, but on the way he was walking like he was drunk. He was bumping into desks and tripping over his own feet. I was scared he was going to hurt himself, which almost became reality. As soon as he got to the hall, he stumbled and fell to the floor. We had him stay there and one of the counselors brought him a wheelchair and took him to the nurse’s office.

I went back to my class and tried to restore order. I found out that the boy’s parents came to get him and take him home. Apparently his seizures have been occurring more frequently lately. I sure do with I had known that! Amazingly, the boy came back to school later that day and appeared to be completely fine.

I can say for certain that I had one of the biggest adrenaline rushes of my life, and that I need to find out everything I can about all of my students’ medical issues and what I should do if there is an emergency. I really don’t understand why this is not part of our teacher preparation. So, I have linked a document that discusses seizures and what to do when an emergency does happen. I hope that my experience has convinced anyone reading this that we should all be as informed as possible regarding our student’s health problems.